Wednesday, February 23, 2011

What Could Have Been ...

I often find myself thinking about what could have been. Usually it's when my mind is wandering, like in the shower (okay that may be TMI) or when I'm getting ready for bed, sometimes even when driving home from work. I think about where and what I'd be doing if I made different choices or if my life path had changed. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my life. I have a wonderful group of friends both new and old, my family is amazing, my soon to be husband is a dream come true, but I'd be lying if the thought "what if" never crossed my mind.

I've had my share of boyfriends...good and bad. I even work with my ex (who is the brother of my other ex...don't get me started!). It's hard to believe how life could have turned out so different if I was going to be marrying one of them in 66 days. I look at my ex and his new wife and think wow, that is what I'd be like if my life was on that path. Thank goodness it wasn't! If I had chose a different college, been a different major, made different friends....where would I be today? Who would I hang out with and what career would I be in?

I know that there is a reason for everything and that a path for me has been set, long before I was here. I just find it quite amusing as to how one little thing could change a whole big part. Kind of like the butterfly effect.

The butterfly effect is a metaphor that encapsulates the concept of sensitive dependence on initial conditions in chaos theory; namely, a small change at one place in a complex system can have large effects elsewhere. Although this may appear to be an esoteric and unusual behavior, it is exhibited by very simple systems: for example, a ball placed at the crest of a hill might roll into any of several valleys depending on slight differences in initial position. The butterfly effect is a common trope in fiction when presenting scenarios involving time travel and with "what if" cases where one storyline diverges at the moment of a seemingly minor event resulting in two significantly different outcomes. 
(source : wikipedia)

I'd be willing to say, looking back...I'm not where I thought I'd be. I pictured myself married by 23 with 2 kids by now, working in a sports arena of life (physical therapy, athletic trainer, etc) and living in some really nice house. Real Life : I'm 18 days away from being 27, engaged to be married, no kids, working in marketing and living in a highrise. Not really the same. But like I said, I'm happy. Just funny to look back on what you wanted, correction, thought you wanted your life to be like. Is it just me, or does everyone go through this?

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5 comments:

Britt said...

I go through this on a weekly basis actually. I love my life too but some days I wish we stayed in Atlanta so I could be closer to my friends in family. Some days I wish Marco had a corporate job like me. Some days I wish I had taken advantage of my college years and not worked as much. When I look at my life now, I am so thankful to be married to the perfect person for me, to live a roller coaster type lifestyle, and be working in an industry I never thought I would end up in. Crazy how life works out for the best:)

Melissa said...

Yeah! Well thankfully our paths crossed, oh in 3rd grade :)

Saying I do said...

I absolUTELY think about this all the time. I get very sad living in another state as my parents. I love living in New YOrk, and I love living with my fiance, but especially whenever I go "home" to PA, I can't help but constantly wonder what my life would have been like if I stayed in PA, lived near my parents and settled down near my hometown. I honestly, don't think I'll ever get over it..there is a part of me who will always pine for the life I knew there...but I know that this is where I'm supposed to be, and at the end of the day that's all that matters.

Tiffany said...

Oh my gosh I have this little conversation with myself all the time! It's crazy to think about how different your life could be based on different decisions. I think about big decisions (where to live, where I went to college) and small decisions every day that could have totally changed my life! I just have faith that I'm right where I am supposed to be, and I'm glad that there is someone up there who helps me be in the right place, because I sure would have screwed my own life up had I done some of the things I wanted to do!:)

~Tiffany
http://tiffanyd22.blogspot.com

Kerr said...

I think about it a lot too. I moved to Charleston for college and its been almost 11 years and I havent left. What if I had decided on a different college. So weird.

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